It's definitely been one of those last few weeks where I have had to sit down and literally take 5 (or 30) to catch my breath. I've had to start pretty much every morning with a little prayer asking for calm. This time of year is usually fairly busy for both my work life and personal life as there are so many graduations, weddings, holidays, birthdays, etc. In fact, I can't recall a May or a June where I had nothing going on. That's all fine and well, and I usually thrive off of being busy but these last few weeks have been different. I considered writing about this in the thick of it all earlier but the mere thought of it made me feel like puking. But now, in the spirit of being open and holding true to my reason for starting a blog, I just felt that I should share with you all.
I have had anxiety for the better part of my life, and found that taking the time to pray and reflect on what is really bothering me, basketball, working out, and having a good routine have helped me the most. Don't get me wrong, these aren't a cure but rather a way of managing stress, which causes me to have the worst kind of anxiety: the kind that manifests itself in my body. Well, the last couple weeks have been kind of chaotic with moving, finishing up the school year, and some family & health things that are (thank God) getting better. As much as I love putting things out in the open I am by nature a private person, and I have a hard time really being an open book about the things that affect me the deepest. I like to say that the optimist within me usually triumphs over the pessimist. It usually feels better to say "this too shall pass" rather than "of course this is happening to me" even though this month has been tough it is not going to define who I am as a human.
My anxiety does not make me a weak person, despite what I was led to believe as a youth. I wanted to share that remembering this constantly has helped me cope, even just slightly during the days when i. just. can't. I just wanted to put this out there, in the open space of the internet and share that while we may not all face the same mountains, we do face mountains all our own that feel insurmountable and can really cause us to lose our sense of self. Hold on to the things that make you feel steady, calm, and take it one step at a time. The hardest part of anxiety (for me) is the panic and the fear that you can't share your feelings with others, but believe me, you can - and you should. They might not always understand but take it from a reformed "bottle it up-er", it does more damage than it does good.
*this post was written in May of this year and I held onto it as a draft for quite some time. I am sharing this in the hopes that it opens the door for more discussion about the things that make us human. Thank you so much for stopping by!